Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
