It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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