You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
tell me about the eggs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
