my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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