watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize