i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
