How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
