Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
