it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
