The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
