well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
