dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
