i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
