I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
