Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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