WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
