so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
