My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
