Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
