if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
