I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
