whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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