why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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