I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
