Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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