Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
