May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
