the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
