I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
