you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
