So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
