I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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