what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize