I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i drank out of a bidet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
