That's intense
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
