We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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