I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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