I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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