MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
