she woke up with a sticky ear
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
