Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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