I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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