dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I believe in your delicious
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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