I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my being single is dangerous.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
