The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
