So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
