but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
