We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
