At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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