I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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