that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
