hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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