I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
