Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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