This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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