I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
