I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
