at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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