It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
