I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think my cat just said my name.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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