I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
