My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
