And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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