it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
