Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
