If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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