I wish I could teleport
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
