i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
