Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
