end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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