she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
