I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
