too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
